对大多数新教改革家来说，抑制私婚的手段不是简单地废除择偶自立权，而是要把作为婚姻有效性的基础的“同意”范围进一步扩大。新教反对私婚，但父母的同意并不是以否决子女自己的结婚意愿为代价的。不少16世纪的法律家认为，父母的同意是明智的，但不是绝对必要的要求，未经父母同意而缔结婚姻的夫妇，应当受到政府的罚款处理，并由教会对他们进行训导。但无论是父母，还是其他的权威，都不能因此而使该婚姻无效。有研究者发现，在路德教流行的德意志，极少有法规规定所有未经父母同意而缔结的婚姻无效。[64]
    纵观改革的进程，我们发现，天主教和新教的婚姻改革主要不在婚姻学说和法律的理念，而是这些学说和理念的实施、操作方面。在表象上轰轰烈烈的变革之下，关于婚姻的一个基本的神学理论和法律原则没有被动摇，那就是择偶自主和自由。当然，这还不是现代意义上的婚姻自由。
    ①Michael M.Sheehan,C.S.B.,"The Formation and Stability of Marriage in Fourteenth-Century England:Evidence of an Ely Register",Medieval Studies,Vol.,XXXIII,1971,pp.228-263.Michael M.Sheehan,C.S.B.,"Choice of Marriage Partner in the Middle Ages:Development and Mode of Application of a Theory of Marriage",Studies in Medieval and Renaissance History,Vol.I,1978,p.32.John T.Noonan,Jr,"Power to Choose",Viator,Vol.4,1973,pp.430-431.林中泽：《西欧中世纪教会法中的婚姻和性》，《历史研究》1997年第4期。
    ②很多著述对格雷希恩的主要观点作了概括，可参见Michael M.Sheehan,"Choice of Marriage Partner in the Middle Ages:Development and Mode of Application of a Theory of Marriage",Studies in Medieval and Renaissance History,Vol.I(Old Series,Vol.XI)1978,pp.8-13; James A.Brundage,Law,Sex,and Christian Society in Medieval Europe,Chapter 6,pp.229-255.George Hayward Joyce,S.J.,Christian Marriage:An Historical and Doctrinal Study,London and New York:Sheed and Ward,1993,pp.57-59.
    ③布朗迪奇提到有第三种观点，它反对把同意或同房当作结婚的要素，而主张把新娘本人转交给新郎这一行为看成是结婚的要素。但这种观点在教会中没有多少市场，很快就销声匿迹了。见James A.Brundage,"Implied Consent to Intercourse",in Angeliki E.Laiou,ed.,Consent and Coercion to Sex and Marriage in Ancient and Medieval Societies,Washington,D.C.:Dumbarton Oaks Research Library and Collection,1993,p.247.
    ④劳伦斯·斯通对于英国的离婚史有专门的论述。可见Lawrence Stone,Road to Divorce:England 1530-1987,Oxford and New York:Oxford University Press,1992.
    ⑤“私婚”一词在英文中有三种不同的表述方法，一是secret marriage；二是clandestine marriage；三是private marriage。
    ⑥我国有学者称私婚为“秘密婚姻”，易引起误解。见朱孝远：《婚姻的世俗化与妇女地位——德国宗教改革时期婚姻改革的评析》，载赵文洪主编：《20世纪中华学术经典文库·历史学·世界历史卷》，第412-422页。
    [1]罗伦培登：《这是我的立场：改教先导马丁·路德传记》，陆中石、古乐人译，南京：译林出版社，1993年，第276-277页。
    [2]朱孝远：《婚姻的世俗化与妇女地位——德国宗教改革时期婚姻改革的评析》，赵文洪主编：《20世纪中华学术经典文库·历史学·世界历史卷》上册，兰州：兰州大学出版社，2000年，第420页。
    [3]Andre Burguiere,"The Formation of the Couple",in Journal of Family History,Vol.12,No.1-3,1987,pp.39-53.
    [4]俞金尧：《中世纪教会婚姻法中的同意原则》，侯建新主编：《经济—社会史：历史研究的新方向》，北京：商务印书馆，2002年。
    [5]James A.Brundage,Law,Sex,and Christian Society in Medieval Europe,Chicago and London:The University of Chicago Press,1987,p.238.
    [6]伯尔曼：《法律与革命——西方法律传统的形成》，贺卫方等译，北京：大百科全书出版社，1993年，第242-247页。James A.Brundage,Law,Sex,and Christian Society in Medieval Europe,p.229.
    [7]P.Lyndon Reynolds,"Marriage,Sacramental and Indissoluble:Sources of the Catholic Doctrine",The Downside Review,No.375,April 1991,pp.105-150; John Witte,Jr.,From Sacrament to Contract,Kentucky:Westminster John Knox Press,1997,pp.16-41.
    [8][15]R.H.Helmholz,Marriage Litigation in Medieval England,Cambridge:Cambridge University Press,1974,p.29,p.25.
    [9]Jeffrey R.Watt,The Making of Modern Marriage:Matrimonial Control and the Rise of Sentiment in Neuchatel,1550-1800,Ithaca and London:Cornell University Press,1992,p.66.[10]Peter Rushton,"The Testament of Gifts:Marriage Tokens and Disputed Contracts in North-East England,1560-1630",in Folk Life,Vol.24,1985-86,p.26; Ralph Houlbrooke,"The Making of Marriage in Mid-Tudor England:Evidences from the Records of Matrimonial Contract Litigation",in Journal of Family History,Winter 1985,p.344.
    [11]George Hayward Joyce,S.J.,Christian Marriage:An Historical and Doctrinal Study,p.107,note 2.
    [12]Martin Luther,"On Marriage Matters",in Luther's Works,Vol.46,Translated by Frederick C.Ahrens,Philadelphia:Fortress Press,1967,p.268.
    [13][26][27]Kelly,Henry Ansgar,"Clandestine Marriage and Chaucer's 'Troilus''',Viator,Vol.4(1973),p.439,pp.437-438,p.440.
    [14][17]Michael M.Sheehan,C.S.B.,"The Formation and Stability of Marriage in Fourteenth-Century England:Evidence of an Ely Register",Medieval Studies,Vol.XXXIII,1971,p.249,p.251.
    [16][20]Thomas Max Safley,"Marital Litigation in the Diocese of Constance,1551-1620",The Sixteenth Century Journal,XII,No.2,1981,pp.65-66,p.65.
    [18][29]Steven Ozment,When Fathers Ruled:Family Life in Reformation Europe,Cambridge(Mass.)and London:Harvard University Press,1983,p.34,pp.36-37.
    [19]Martin Luther,"The Order of Marriage for Common Pastors",in Luther's Works,Vol.53,Translated by Paul Zeller Strodach,Philadelphia:Fortress Press,1965,p.113.
    [21][40][42][43][44][45][46][47][49][51][52]Martin Luther,"On Marriage Matters",in Luther's Works,Vol.46,p.282,p.272,p.279,p.281,p.280,p.291,p.308,p.309,p.306,p.309,p.307,p.308.
    [22]George Hayward Joyce,S.J.,Christian Marriage:An Historical and Doctrinal Study,pp.113-114; Joel F.Harrington,Reordering Marriage and Society in Reformation Germany,Cambridge:Cambridge University Press,1995,p.174.
    [23][32][37]Thomas Robisheaux,Rural Society and the Search for Order in Early Modern Germany,Cambridge:Cambridge University Press,1989,p.107,p.103,pp.108-109.
    [24][25][35][62][63]George Hayward Joyce,S.J.,Christian Marriage:An Historical and Doctrinal Study,p.111,pp.111-113,p.127,pp.120-121,p.122.
    [28][55][61]Joel F.Harrington,Reordering Marriage and Society in Reformation Germany,p.28-29,p.202,p.180.
    [30]Thomas Max Safley,"To Preserve the Marital State:The Basler Ehegericht,1550-1592",Journal of Family History,Summer 1982,p.164.
    [31][60][64]John Witte,Jr.,"The Transformation of Marriage Law in the Lutheran Reformation",in John Witte,Jr.and Frank S.Alexander,eds.,The Weightier Matters of the Law Essays on Law and Religion,Atlanta:Scholars Press,1988,p.74,p.83,p.82.